LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART
by Donna McIntosh
Summary: This is my idea for an alternate ending after the big fight.


Title: LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART

Author: Brokeback Mountain

Genre: Slash

Rating: R

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx. I make

no money off of them.

Summary: This is my idea for an alternate ending after the big fight.

LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART

They had argued before but never like this. They said terrible

things to each other; made threats. The last thing said was by Jack

calling Ennis a "son of a whoreson bitch." and adding the final

nail, "I wish I knew how to quit you." He stood staring off across

the water to the mountains; a postcard perfect scene; except for the

two men tearing each others hearts out.

He wasn't even sure he had heard it at first but he turned to look.

Ennis was on his knees, fists scrubbing into his eyes, entire body

shaking with sobs.

"Jesus, Ennis." he ran to him, holding the shaking body close to

his. "It's alright. It's alright. You know I didn't mean that."

"I can't take it no more, Jack. No more! I can't take no more a

this." He was gasping for air, still shuddering with emotion.

"Ok. It's OK. I'm gonna fix this right now. You hear me, Cowboy?"

He pulled Ennis to his feet and walked him over to where a log

rested beside their fire pit.

"Can't be fixed, Jack. We just gotta stand it." He wiped his eyes

on his shirt sleeve.

"I'm gonna say somethin that's been a long time waitin, Ennis." He

held onto Ennis's arm and pulled him around to face him.

"Look at me! I need you to look at me and hear what I'm sayin." He

took Ennis's chin and forced eye contact.

"Whut?" His voice was small and sounded as useless as he felt.

"It's been 20 years now, Ennis. I been waitin on you to make a

decision for 20 God Damn years. Now I'm makin it. You hear me?"

"Uh huh" His eyes were dark and still filled with tears but he was

listening.

"I'm gonna give you a choice. You can either come away with me right

now; or it's over. I'm not spending another 20 years with things the

way they are. I can't. And neither can you. Tearing our guts out

everytine we see each other and havin to say goodbye. That ain't no

kind a life."

Ennis put his head down and stared at his dirty boots and said

nothing.

Jack stood and walked a few steps away. "You told me once that when

you talked with your girls and wanted them to really listen that you

told them to listen with their hearts. Well, that's what I'm tellin

you now. I want you to listen to what I have to say and listen with

your heart. Can you do that for me Ennis? Can you just listen and

hear what I gotta say?"

"I'm listening." his gaze remained downward.

"Junior just turned l9 a coupla months ago. Jenny will be 18 and

graduating in three months. My boy is 17 now. Our kids are almost

grown. Junior is the same age we was when we first met. They are

all good kids, with good heads on their shoulders and will be off

getting married or off to college. We stayed with them; we got them

off to a good start and soon they will be off living lives on their

own. Then what?" He didn't expect an answer so he went on. "I'll

tell you what. You and me will be the same two miserable bastards

that we are today, living hundreds of miles apart and seein each

other a cupla times a year. You really want that for the rest of our

lives? Did you hear what I said? OUR LIVES. It's not just you in

this thing, Ennis, it's me too. Is that the kinda life you want for us?"

"You know it ain't, Jack. But..."

"I don't wanna hear any more 'buts'! I know you're afraid." He came

to him them and knelt down in front on him, placing both hands on

Ennis's knees. "What you saw when you was a kid, terrified you.

It's burned into your very soul; but for God's sake, Ennis, you gonna

throw away both our lives cause of somethin that happened 30 years

ago? Sure it could happen again. Anything could happen. I might

get killed in a plane crash. You might get throwed off your horse

and killed. But all that's just a part of life. You can't spend

your life hidin from the scary stuff. If you do that, then the

bastards win. Those who killed your neighbor, those who killed that

other boy cause he was gay. Is that what you want, Ennis. You wanna

let them win?"

Tears rolled down his cheeks and he wiped at them with the back of

his hand. "Jack...I ..."

Jack sat back down beside him then and pulled him close. "Ennis. You

and me never said the words but whether you know it or not, we love

each other! We need to be together. We can take your trailer and

haul it up to Lightning Flat. We'll build us a cabin. Pa ain't

gonna be around for much longer and the place will be ours. With

your ranchin no-how and my business experience we can make a go of

it. As far as anyone in the area is concerned, we're just two long-

time friends, got divorced from our wives and decided to go into

ranchin together. Don't think there will be all that much said on

the matter. We'll be careful and make sure we don't let ourselves

get in any kind of dangerous situations."

"People will find out. They always do." He tried to make Jack

understand just how dangerous this could be.

"Let 'em. I don't care no more. I love you and I ain't ashamed of

it. If someone wants to beat me to death with a tire iron, then I

say let them try. And if they kill me, well hell Ennis, can't be

much more painful than what we been goin through for the last 20

years. And besides that...it'll still be worth it. Whatever time

we have left, if we can spend some of that together sleepin beside

each other, wakin up in the mornin, sharing coffee together, Hell.

It'd be worth it."

They were silent together for a while.

"You'd let someone beat you to death, just to be with me?" Things

began to tilt just a little inside Ennis heart.

"Well, I wouldn't stand 'round and just let them. But if they wanted

to try, and that's the price I have to pay to be with you; then,

yes; in a heartbeat!"

"Yer a crazy son of a bitch, you know that Jack Twist?"

"Shit. Now yer sweet-talkin me." Jack grinned at him.

Ennis leaned in and kissed him; soft and lingering. "I never been

much good at sweet-talkin, but I'm willin to learn." The decision

had been made and neither of them actually knew that yet.

Jack gulped and tried to read the look in Ennis'e eyes. "I got

Money; been savin all these years. We could get all the supplies

and stuff we need to get started and have us a place up before

summer's end." He licked his lips, prayin this was going the right

direction for a change.

"I got a little in the bank too. Enough for the last two child-

support payments and a little for Jenny's graduation present.

Trailer's not in that good a shape. Needs some work, but it'd do I

suppose, least until we get a place up."

Total deafening silence. Nothing but the sounds of the water lapping

at the shore, nickering of the horses as they waited paitently in the

trailer. A few birds flew over head, chasing one another across the

sky.

"It's settled then?" Jack's voice cracked with emotion. "We're gonna

do this?"

"Uh huh. If you haven't found anyone else you want more'n me in all

this time; I guess I can stop worrin 'bout that now."

Jack jumped to his feet and started hooping and hollaring; exactly

like he did so many years ago when Ennis had told him his dad felt

like all rodeoers were fuck-ups.

This time he didn't fall over though. He made it back to a grinning

Ennis who stated, "I guess my daddy was right about you rodeo boys."

"I wish your daddy was here right now. I'd give him the biggest hug

he ever had and thank him for havin a son like you." He pulled Ennis

close and held his head against his shoulder. "It's gonna be

alright, Ennis. I promise you. You won't never regret this."

"I been living with regret for 20 years now. I think it's time to

start living with something else for a change. I'd really like to

see what it's like to be happy. Whatever time we got left to us

Jack, it ain't gonna be spent regrettin." They stood there just

holding on to each other, swaying back and forth. They stayed like

that for several minutes in silence, then got in their trucks and

headed towards Riverton, then Lightning Flat, to begin their lives.

THE END


End file.
